Who do I gotta screw to get some oatmeal?

I'm wondering how I can manage to string together so many unsuccessful attempts at dating. And before you say anything; keep in mind I'm aware that I'm a large part of it so the "well, maybe it's you" thing is all but punch-in-the-face obvious at this point. It's just surprising that I haven't accidentally stumbled across someone who has the traits that accompany my personality. Let me explain.

So I've been dating the same girl as previously discussed in the post below (the one with the penny), and I assumed things were going pretty good. Then I get the phone call. You know, the one where the person wants to know what we "are" and "aren't". I hate these conversations as they almost always end what never had the chance to start. I inform said girl that I like her a lot and would like to date her more often. She has no problem with it except she brings up the fact I haven't made a move on her yet. Just for your information ladies, bringing this up will also almost assuredly hurt the situation as well (now I know what you're saying; you need clarification, but we've been on three dates. It wasn't as if I had been dating her for months and dragging her on). Fast forward to today when I call her to garner some further clarification, but alas, now she doesn't want to discuss "this", yet it was fine to discuss the exact same thing three days prior..all of a sudden it's not the same thing; surprise.

Basically, in a nutshell, I'm told that "If she's the one that I want, I should just take it, and don't worry about if she'll want it or not". I'm sure we'd all love that ladies except YOU CANNOT HAVE THAT! Not if you want a good guy at least. The guys that pull you to them, whisper things that make you tingly, then screw you, or suck on your tongue on the first date..newsflash...are the ones that don't call you back, or perhaps the ones that call you weeks later with some lame excuse to as why they haven't called you more frequently (I'm sure you can think of one or two of these phone calls). I inform said girl I care about her, I respect her, and given the conversation the night before where she informed me "She didn't want to force things" ( which I also misinterpreted apparently), I gave her what every girl deserves; a guy who cares about her. I may act slow, stumble, or seem like I'm in unchartered waters but I'm not..I do this because I care about your feelings. I'm a man, trust me I know how to grab you and force myself upon you-it's genetically programmed into us. I also know how to play the game (I grew up with only women), what I could do is play it aloof. When she says "well maybe it's you that doesn't like me" I could just agree..let her stew for a couple of days-but that's not me. I could grab her close, kiss her deeply and look into her eyes-also programmed-but there were no moments to do it. Two out of the three dates were in the middle of a graveyard. Please, don't ask. She then calls me a little girl and asks me if my butt hurts because I'm whining, which she shoves off as an excuse to "lighten the mood". I navigate this fairly well and don't really respond to it, mainly because I think she's a cool girl, and two because after calling me a little girl I wanted to throw a cup of hot cocoa directly in the vicinity of her facial area-I had to suppress that feeling.

In the end it would seem the expiration date has finally curdled the milk that is in my Cap'n Crunch. She's a great girl (from what I saw from three dates...and minus the phone conversation in which she called me a little girl) and I'm sure she'll find the guy she's looking for (even though the previous ones that fit that mold of what she wants have disappointed her). I once compared her to Cap'n Crunch...sweet and delicious with french toast..what I forgot..is that while Cap'n Crunch is a delicious treat...it also tears the roof of your mouth to shreds. Fuck it, I'm switching to oatmeal.

In closing I don't want this post misconstrued; This girl is amazing. She's loads of fun and if there's any guy out there I know that would fit her ideal guy mold I'd gladly send him her way..it's just..I wish she made even the smallest bit of sense to me :-)


-Fin